saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
