So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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