i don't plan on having that self control this summer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
