yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ttyl tear gas
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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