idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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