I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
