probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
