Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
