You're so nebulous sometimes
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
