Porn is love you can see.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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