A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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