i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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