did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
