girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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