I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
NoShamevember. You game?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
