Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
