i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
