I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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