the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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