walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Who died my cat blue again?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
