My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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