I think my vagina is haunted
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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