happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
