You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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