He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
