I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
