if only i could text you this smell
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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