Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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