I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want a musical about memes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
