Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize