I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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