Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just found a bag of teeth...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
