I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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