11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
