I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
