So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Shame - the story of my life.
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