we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
