i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize