I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
