im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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