Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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