how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
