the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize