Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
