I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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