Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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