I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize