What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
