ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
