I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
