dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
