if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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