I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
