At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
