Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wish i was in the wii world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
