Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
