my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
