dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
