My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
