Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize