If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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