My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
