Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
