Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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