Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
