Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All I want is dick and wine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
