I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
