remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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